Rules of Etiquette Essay Example For Students

Rules of Etiquette Essay ETIQUETTE is a comprehensive term, for it embraces not only all observances connected with social intercourse, but such as belong particularly to the home circle. To obtain fireside comforts and home-born enjoyments and happiness, something more is required than a handsome house, a beautiful lawn, shade-trees, and a garden filled with flowers and arranged in the most artistic order. Family bickerings and strife; a lack of politeness, good-breeding and etiquette, would turn the loveliest Eden into a barren waste. It will avail us little to furnish our houses with all the elegancies which the upholsterers art can afford, and to cultivate the grounds with the utmost skill, if our hearts and minds are uncultivated, rough, uncouth and uncivil. The members of one family must unceasingly interchange kind offices; must rejoice and mourn, hope and fear smile and weep in unison; and must exchange sympathetic emotions, with a due regard to each others feelings, or the charming delights of the domestic circle will lose much of their relish, or will be broken up and become totally devoid of interest. And it cannot be too strongly impressed upon the mind, that mutual respect is the basis of true affection; and, although it may seem a trifling matter in the family whether this or that mode of speech is adopted, in reality it is a very important thing. Children and servants are greatly influenced by the demeanor of master and mistress of the house; and the husband who addresses his wife, in their presence, in a derogatory manner, does both himself and her a decided injury. While the wife, on her part, is equally bound to show all due respect to her husband. Every human being possesses an innate perception of what is right. Children and servants are not exceptions to this general rule; and those of us who indulge in unkind expressions towards each other, lower ourselves more than we can, perhaps, understand in the opinions of those about us. In many cases, a feeling of dislike is engendered, which no after circumstances can obliterate a feeling near akin to contempt, also; for who can cherish respect for individuals who cannot govern themselves?A generous-minded boy will never forget the unkind and taunting words which he has heard an irritable and ill-governed father address to his dearly loved mother; nor will either girls or boys forget similar breaches of politeness and good-breeding exhibited by their mother towards the father. Truly, we have need of patience! and in the family circle it is one of the brightest virtues. Cant you both have patience? murmured a little gentle boy once in our hearing, while his parents were indulging in unseemly bickerings, and there was a whole volume of reproof in that one sentence. Chesterfield, a pattern of good-breeding, tells his son, that The most familiar and intimate habitudes, connections and friendships, require a degree of good-breeding both to preserve and cement them. The best of us have our bad sides; and it is as imprudent as it is ill-bred to exhibit them. I shall not use ceremony with you, it would be misplaced between us; but I shall certainly observe that degree of good-breeding which, I am sure, is absolutely necessary to make us like one anothers company long.This is the best advice which can be given to husbands and wives, parents and children, and also to relatives and friends. The habit of bantering, which is so often adopted by married people before children and servants, is very undesirable, and frequently leads to serious consequences. The husband will give a ridiculous appellation to the wife, which will raise a laugh at her expense; but in the end, it may lower him far more than the mother in the opinion of the children; and in their turn, they will often feel more respect and affection for the mother than for the father. Nothing can be more injurious, or inconsistent with true politeness and good-breeding, than the constant habit of fault-finding concerning little petty trifles, when indulged in by either husband or wife, in the presence of others or by themselves. There are men who never come to the table but they will find fault with the dishes served upon it. If roast beef is the chief dish, they will say: Beef! beef! why didnt you have chicken or turkey? I am tired of this everlasting beef!Or vice versa. No matter what the wife may have provided, such a man will always evince a desire for something else. Now, were the gentleman accused of fault-finding, he would indignantly deny it; and he may be a kind and good and true husband and father, and only have inadvertently fallen into this habit of not being satisfied with what has been provided. Romulus And Remus EssayAnd this is styled diplomacy in the home circle.Of course this state of affairs is very uncertain and slippery; and an expos will be threatened daily. Both husband and wife feel that they are deceived, yet cannot tell exactly how, when or where; cannot place their hand on the very spot cannot prove what they suspect. Men always know that they are managed even when they cannot see the way; and women understand they are deceived; are sure that the excuses given for uncalled-for absences are not the right ones even though they cannot discover the truth. Such things go in the air, and consciousness is evolved even if the senses reveal naught. Such homes, however, are but the stepping-stones to a deeper abyss of woe. A love of truth, a high sense of honor, delicacy of manner, and strict adherence to correct principles, are the chief essentials of home etiquette. Be careful to avoid the habit of sauntering into a room without attending to any thing that passes there; thinking, it may be, of a trifling affair that need not occupy the attention, or very likely not thinking at all. In this way some persons trespass upon the rules of politeness which enjoin that each one should do his part in society. Make it a rule wherever you are, to take an interest in all that passes, observe the characteristics of the persons you meet, and listen to and take part in the subjects of their conversation. Habitual inattention is sometimes attributed to great genius, but we cannot endorse that idea. Such a peculiarity of manner is subversive of all politeness, and tends to shut a man within himself, and make him of little importance in life. There are some young persons, however, who delight to pass for geniuses or originals, and they think it very interesting to appear as if in a brown study while in the company of others. They like to seem entirely absorbed, and are delighted if any one observes their eccentricities. Such manners are entirely at variance with good-breeding. If a person speak to you ever so foolishly or frivolously, it is the height of ill manners not to heed what he says; and if he ever forces conversation upon you, it is unkind, to say the least, to assume a perfectly indifferent demeanor. Besides, you cannot offer any one more flattering attention than by that pleasing deference which, though it may involve somewhat of a sacrifice, yet, is worth making. It is a good rule to endeavor to please every one as far as is possible for us to do without too great a breach of sincerity. In this country free and easy manners are too prevalent; but space would fail us to particularize all the little trifles in which even well-bred persons sometimes fall short. We will, however, briefly remark, that nothing can be more adverse to good manners than the habit of sitting with the hat on in the house be it in the parlor, dining-room, kitchen, store or office; or than yawning and whispering in company, lounging upon the chairs, by tipping them back upon two legs; taking the best seats in the room, and keeping them when your elders enter; or standing with the back to an open fire, when other persons are near it; and last, but not least, spitting into the fire, etc. These practices are deemed almost peculiar to our country, and have been severely animadverted upon by European travellers in our midst. A man may have virtue, capacity and good habits, and yet his lack of good-breeding may made him unendurable to those who are well-bred. The style and manner which we neglect as too trifling for us to heed, are often the things by which the world judges us. There are many little matters of personal bearing and conduct which must be attended to, if we desire to be agreeable to society. It is useless to say that such a man, whose attire is neglected, whose whole appearance bespeaks the sloven, is a good and able man and therefore must be agreeable and pleasing. His ability and goodness are, doubtless, desirable qualities, but the personal juxtaposition of the man is insupportable to those who are accustomed to cleanliness and refinement. Not that it is essential that every man should be externally elegant, or an adept in the rules which constitute good-breeding; but no one can hope to be admired and sought after, who is addicted to conspicuous uncleanliness, the special tendency of which is to inspire painful feelings in those around him. Bibliography: